A god surely means one must have attributable skills in the chosen, or should I say appointed field. If God of love, then by default the god of marriage. I note there is no record of a Ms Eros. How typical! Just like the divorced marriage councillor.
It is even rumoured that Eros lived with his mother. No wonder there's such a high number of troubled marriages. No, I think if anything Eros is the God of Infatuation, and he's not too good at that. If he is the one responsible then why doesn't he become organised, concentrate on his career. People are resorting to all kinds of audio-visual aids to enhance "love". Call 1-900 and you should be able to get a sympathetic Eros, not a part-time mortal with kids and a mortgage trying to put tuna on the table. They make love about as romantic as ordering a pizza.
I can honestly say Eros has failed me. Too many times in my life I've suffered from unrequited love, especially as a teenager. Where was Eros when I needed him, slacking off, not getting the job finished. For instance, I can remember standing in line at Tim Horton's, and being suddenly smitten. There I was shaking, blushing, stammering, even drooling, all the classic symptoms of true love. What a half-assed job Eros did that day. The object of my desire wasn't even aware of my existence. When I asked for a large black, she simply said. "Is that all?" Is that all? If eros had done his job right she would have dropped her apron and leapt over the counter to ravish me, a venetian creme in each hand. At least that's how I think Eros should operate.
They say love is blind, I think what they really mean is old Eros is blind, he could use a decent guide dog. He fires off those stupid little arrows, pierces one potential partner right through the heart and then completely misses the other one. Or worse yet only manages a flesh wound. I'm sure he only manages to graze the scalp most of the time, something must be the cause of male hearing loss, or all those headaches.
Once that arrow has pierced the hearts of two people there is no end to the stupid things they will do in the name of love, like staying in cheap motels, or leaving footprints on the dashboard. Neither of which are likely to promote a stable relationship, especially if discovered by one's spouse.
What Eros really needs is to be more responsible partner, a practical god. Forget the love, how about a god of getting along together. That's it, a God of compromise, a god who could smooth things out in a relationship. It wouldn't take much, imagine how improved things would be if he could resolve the biggest bone of contention in any marriage and ensure that toilet seats would always return to the closed position. Marriages would last forever, a lifetime of bliss. Ralph the god of Compromise.
Now, where is that 1-900 number?
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